the good side of conflicts

Conflicts are inevitable and we all must deal with them. We should face the issue head on with grace and humility having asked ourselves one very crucial question. This question is so crucial that not asking it could lead to extreme conflict escalation rather than relationship restoration.

So, what's this crucial question? Am I trying to prove or improve? That's the question. In other words, is it our desire to prove that we are right in a certain conflict or to improve the relationship at hand?

When we try to prove we are right, we use the circumstances of the conflict as an arsenal to attack the other person. We come armed with past hurts and offenses ready to state our cases. We're tempted to tear down the other person. We react from a place of hurt and anger and can often say things we later regret.

On the other hand, when our desire is to improve the relationship, we seek to understand where the other person is coming from and we care enough about the relationship to fight for it rather than against it. Instead of reacting out of anger, we pause and let the Holy Spirit interrupt our first impulses. We tackle the issues, not the person.

Hence, to prove? or improve? The choice is yours.